The end of a relationship is never easy. It can be a mutual agreement that the relationship isn't working, or it could just be one person who decides. No matter what, it's heartbreaking, even for the person ending it. Not only does it affect the individuals involved in the relationship, but also their family and friends. Sometimes, they feel they need to "pick" sides or bad mouth one of the individuals. What they really need to do, is just listen, and let the individual cry on their shoulder.
It's also okay to feel a range of emotions. Separating from a spouse or loved one is emotionally equivalent to the passing of a loved one. So anger, sadness, hopelessness, regret, and anxiety are all normal things to feel. I am trying hard to accept and acknowledge what I am feeling. I take deep breaths and cry a lot. There's no reason to hold it in. This is the path to healing.
As I sit here typing this out, I look around the house that we bought together. Even though we haven't lived here for very long, there are still lots of memories that were made. I look around some more and see a lot of plants that I don't know how to care for. The thought of them dying makes me upset. Then I look at the cats. I sense that they wonder when are you coming home. I give them a kiss on the head and try to comfort them, telling them that everything is going to be alright. I try to convince myself the same thing. I tell myself, that I have survived in the past, so I will survive this in the present. I also am learning about being resilient in times of stress and change. In fact, I have taken a PD on the subject, we are currently teaching our students about it and I have a book on hold at the library.
When you get married, you never imagine this day would ever exist. You see a future of growing old together. At that time, you both have the same hopes and dreams. However, as time goes on, events, ideas, and changes in your lives shape both of you. Sometimes it's a positive change, though sometimes it can have a negative effect. Over time, it can change us so much, that those hopes and dreams we once had change. When two people in a relationship, want two different paths in life, the relationship starts to break down. Eventually one or both become so unhappy, that ending the relationship is the best course of action for both parties.
This post isn't about who's right and who's wrong. This post was to get everything out of my head.
I am not sure if James is going to read this, but I have a final message for him:
James, I will always love you. I still want the best for you. I want you to be happy. I will try my best within my means to make this transition easy for both of us. I am hoping that one day we can be friends again. Thanks for all the adventures!
Much Love,
Joey
