My one and only true love.

I hold you gently in my hands. Your warmth soothes me as I imagine what is to unfold. I don't know how to survive an entire day without you. I bring you close to my lips. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up like little trees in a miniature forest filled with mythical creatures. I open my mouth. You dive in and swirl across my tongue. My eyes uncontrollably close, my head tilts back. My thoughts slowly melt into a calm sea of bliss. The world disappears around us. All is quiet. Every time I'm with you, I die and float on the clouds like angels in heaven. You pull away from my lips leaving me begging like a dirty dog whimpering for a bone. Holding you tightly in my hands, I bring you close again to my lips. I softly whisper, "I love you and will never let you go." I take another sip...

Gawd, I love coffee!!!

Letter to Mom...

Yep, I am GAY!  and I have never been happier!

The rainbow flag represents diversity.  Everyone is different, just like the colours on this flag!  No 2 shades are the same.  This is what makes the world such an interesting place.  Its not just about sexuality, or gender, but with different races too!

It has nothing to do with choice except the choice to live my life, fully and complete!

Its not from pollution, media, the way I was raised, the preservatives in our foods.  

I was born this way.

It is not your fault.  It is not anybody's fault.  This is who I am and I am very proud to say it!

When I was 20, I was told by my family that they were worried that I was gay.  WORRIED!  Why would anyone be worried about this?  I lived in fear worried that someone would think that I was gay!  I tried so hard to live a life that my family wouldn't have to WORRY about.  I tried so hard not to embarrass or disappoint anyone.  In trying to do this, I lived a life full of depression.  I was overweight, using food to feel better.  There were times that I wanted to give up! 

Since the separation almost 2 years ago, I have finally grown and changed into a better, much, much happier person.  In fact,  I have never felt so complete.  The reason I have lost weight is cause I am happy.  Happy with my life and happy with who I am!!  

I am still an awesome Dad, actually a super awesome Dad, since Annie gets a Dad who is happy.  She gets to grow up and see her Dad truly in love and yes, love has no boundaries!  The way God intended it to be.  The way God loves each one of his creations!

This is a picture of Ryan and I.

He is a great guy and I am glad to have met him.

So, if you don't accept me for who I am, then you don't accept as your son and if that's the case, then I don't accept you as my mother.  I don't need negative, non-loving people in my life.  I am a strong person and I will survive without you.

The choice is yours.

Around the Bay Race - Sunday March 25, 2012

Well today is a day that definitely deserves a blog post.

About 2 years ago, I was sitting on my bus in Gore Park and I remember seeing all the people convening in the downtown core.  They were all on a mission.  To accomplish either a 5K or 30K run known as the Around the Bay Race.  This race is the oldest race in North America.

 The Hamilton Herald Newspaper and cigar store owner "Billy" Carroll, originated and sponsored the first "Around the Bay Road Race", run on Christmas Day, 1894. It is now the oldest road race in North America, older than the Boston Marathon which was born three years after the Around the Bay Road Race. The race tested the abilities of the finest long distance runners, but was also an avenue to lay down some bets.

I decided at that point that I wanted to join these people, however, I got sick with my Thyroid disease.  So last October, I decided to set a goal.  A goal to train and run the 5K race.

When I first started training, I could hardly run a block.  My heart would pound, and I would be gasping for air!  I have trained very hard and I mainly ran alone.  I was self conscious of what I looked like while running, and I also felt like I wasn't running fast enough.  However I kept training and believe me, there were times that I wanted to give up.

Well today proved that with determination and training, anything goal is achievable!  I completed the 5K race in 31m40s!  My fastest time yet!

That's me, Bib #8759!

 The positive energy from the other runners was amazing.  I felt so good today that I wish I could share it with everyone.  Well, I can.  Get off the couch, get out and start training!  Sign up and do the run next year!  Are you up for the Challenge?  

It's Time!!

Hey Everyone,

This is probably going to be the most difficult thing I have ever done.  It has taken almost 32 years to reach this point.  It is time to be totally honest with myself and with people who are close to my heart.

 My whole life I have felt like I was missing something.  So I traveled the path that society accepts.  I found a girl, we moved in together, I proposed on the beach in Cuba, we got married, we bought a house together and then had a child.  After all that, I didn't feel complete.  So we agreed to separate.
After Val and I separated, I decided to do a bit of soul searching.  I decided to do something that has been hiding and pushed to the back of my mind since I was 10 years old!
I met a guy last November 2010 and dated him for 5 months.  He wasn't out yet and said he could never come out.  I figured this is good, since its all new to me, and I wasn't really sure.  Well it turned out that he made me really happy but in the end, he couldn't give me what I wanted.  A relationship, a companion, someone to enjoy my life with.
 Since then, I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I have been on dates with both men and women.  However, I decided to go down a path that is definitely going to be a difficult one.  A path most people don't agree with, mainly cause they don't really understand how you feel or why you feel that way.  Heck, I don't even understand it, but it does feel right.
I have kept this hidden for a lot of reasons.  The number one reason, is the fear of rejection.  I am still the same old Joey, in fact, I am better then I was before, cause I am truly being me.
There is a few things that I ask of you, my family and my friends.  Please don't judge me and please offer your support.
I have decided to "come out" cause I want my 2012 to start fresh, and I don't want to have to lie anymore.


 This is who I am, take it or leave it.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and look forward to an exciting 2012! :-)

The Thyroid Saga continues...

Okay, so you all know that I recently saw the specialist a little while back and he said things were going good enough that he could pass me on to my family doctor. 
Well, I went for one final blood test to make sure that things were still good.  I called the specialist today and found out that my thyroid levels are high!
Back in June, my levels dropped into the below normal category, so I was started on Synthroid.  Since then, the dose was dropped from 0.088 to 0.075.  Now, I am told to stop taking the Synthroid for 6 weeks and go for a blood test!  Yeah, back to the every 6 week blood tests!  I love them!  LOL
This is where the story gets really good.  If they are still high, then I might have to go a do another dose of radiation!  I really don't want to do that.  I was already worried about the first time I did it.  Radiation can't be good for your body.  Now I am worried that I might have to do it again! 
I really shouldn't worry though, I will know more 6 weeks from now.  One good thing about all this is I don't have to get up 6am to take a stupid pill!  LMAO


That's all for now!  I will keep you posted and sitting on the edge of your seats with a thyroid cliffhanger!

Happy Anniversary Aug, 8, 2011

Hey Everyone,

In case you didn't know, today, August 8, 2011 would have been my 5th wedding Anniversary.  5 years ago, I decided to marry my best friend, it was one of the happiest days of my life.  Now today, August 8, 2011, happens to be one of the saddest.

We met at McDonalds (Upper Gage and Mohawk location) roughly 11 years ago.  I was 21 and a manager and Val was 18 and full time day staff.  We have been through so many rough times but have accomplished so many great things together.  Things I probably would have never been able to do on my own.
This is a pic of Annie only a day old.

This is us at Disney World.

This is our house.

I am sitting alone in the house I bought with my wife, eating some shitty dinner wondering where I have gone wrong.   Now every time I try and start a new relationship with someone, it just ends in failure and chaos.  I have talked to people, I have read books and just when I start feeling like the fog is lifting, it doesn't get any brighter.

From what I hear things will get better, and just writing in this blog has made me feel better.

Thanks Everyone for reading!

Sincerely,
Joey Cipolla


 

to tat or not to tat?

Hey Everyone,

Long time no blog!
So there comes a time in a boy's life were he must become a man, and stop being such a pansy and get a tattoo.
I have been thinking that I want to get a tattoo however there are a couple things that are holding me back.
A: I don't do pain.
B: I don't do needles.
C: I don't do pain.
D: I don't know what to get.

So, driving the bus, you see lots of people, hence lots of different tattoos.  I don't want something trendy, like a bar code on the back of your neck or some chinese letter or word or whatever!  I want something unique, that describes what I like or mean for the rest of my life.  It is permanent you know!
I was thinking of different symbols that describe me.  Maybe the HSR logo, LOL, or maybe something Star Trek?  Not really my style.  I mean I will love those things for the rest of my life, but not really me.  Then I thought, what about a word or a phrase?  Something in english of course since that's what I speak and read.

What would be one word that describes you?  I have been thinking of a word I think would best describe me, how I feel, and how I want to live.
That word is "Free".
 Free to choose who I want to be.  Free to do what I want.  I like when I get stuff for Free.  Free like the wind, I don't like feeling trapped.  Free to come and go as I please.  A Free man!
So I think the word "Free" would be cool written in a nice script.
Now that I figured out what I am going to get, I just got to figure out where!  LMAO

Talk to you all later!
Joe