The End of a Relationship

 The end of a relationship is never easy. It can be a mutual agreement that the relationship isn't working, or it could just be one person who decides. No matter what, it's heartbreaking, even for the person ending it. Not only does it affect the individuals involved in the relationship, but also their family and friends. Sometimes, they feel they need to "pick" sides or bad mouth one of the individuals. What they really need to do, is just listen, and let the individual cry on their shoulder.

It's also okay to feel a range of emotions. Separating from a spouse or loved one is emotionally equivalent to the passing of a loved one. So anger, sadness, hopelessness, regret, and anxiety are all normal things to feel. I am trying hard to accept and acknowledge what I am feeling. I take deep breaths and cry a lot. There's no reason to hold it in. This is the path to healing.

As I sit here typing this out, I look around the house that we bought together. Even though we haven't lived here for very long, there are still lots of memories that were made. I look around some more and see a lot of plants that I don't know how to care for. The thought of them dying makes me upset. Then I look at the cats. I sense that they wonder when are you coming home. I give them a kiss on the head and try to comfort them, telling them that everything is going to be alright. I try to convince myself the same thing. I tell myself, that I have survived in the past, so I will survive this in the present. I also am learning about being resilient in times of stress and change. In fact, I have taken a PD on the subject, we are currently teaching our students about it and I have a book on hold at the library.

When you get married, you never imagine this day would ever exist. You see a future of growing old together. At that time, you both have the same hopes and dreams. However, as time goes on, events, ideas, and changes in your lives shape both of you. Sometimes it's a positive change, though sometimes it can have a negative effect. Over time, it can change us so much, that those hopes and dreams we once had change. When two people in a relationship, want two different paths in life, the relationship starts to break down. Eventually one or both become so unhappy, that ending the relationship is the best course of action for both parties.

This post isn't about who's right and who's wrong. This post was to get everything out of my head.

I am not sure if James is going to read this, but I have a final message for him:

James, I will always love you. I still want the best for you. I want you to be happy. I will try my best within my means to make this transition easy for both of us. I am hoping that one day we can be friends again. Thanks for all the adventures!

Much Love,

Joey

A Letter to my Future Husband

October 1, 2014

To my Lovely, Future Husband,

Hi, how are you doing?  Its been a while since I wrote last.  Actually, I have never written to you before cause I haven't met you yet.  I believe that there is a someone for everyone, and sometimes it just takes longer for your paths to cross.  I think life works in mysterious ways making sure we are ready to meet that special someone when the time comes.  Maybe there are important life lessons we must learn, or maybe we need to learn who we are as individuals, or maybe have a good understanding of what we want out of life.  If you are going to share a life with someone, you need to know those things, right?

I don't expect you to move in right away, nor do I want to put a ring on your finger just yet.  I want things to start off simple and dinner is always a good place to start.  I know a few good vegan restaurants that I could introduce you to.  Heck, even Indian or Thai restaurants have different vegan options or we could go for a big plate of spaghetti.

Then we could head out for some bowling.  I like a bit of competition, just be prepared to lose! Ha!  Maybe we could even catch a new sci-fi movie that is out?  I know when you first meet someone, you should go somewhere to talk, however silence can be golden.  Just sitting there, maybe even holding hands, can be nice too.  

 As the winter months approach, we could grab our skates, a couple of coffees and head to the ice rink.  Don't worry about falling, I'll be right there to catch you.  Or maybe I'll fall too, and land on top of you like in those cheesy romantic movies.  Of course that would then be the perfect opportunity to take a selfie.

Whatever we end up doing will be good, as long as it includes a lot of laughter and of course, you.  You are the reason I am writing this letter.  You are the reason I exist.  Okay, so I do have a lovely daughter, and I exist for her but its you that I am suppose to share the many ups and downs of life with.  I guess I just need to be patient, and keep walking this path.  This path that crosses with yours and turns into just one.  A path where we can walk side by side, holding hands and moving into the future together.

So please write back, I miss you an awful lot.  Your handsome smile, your warm heart, your strong hugs and your soft, passionate kiss.

Yours Truly,

Joey XO 

Before I go, I want to share with you a quote from a book I read recently.  I believe its a good definition of true love.

"Love is the degree to which you are willing to sacrifice your own interests for those of another.  It doesn't matter what sex you are.  It doesn't matter who you are, or were.  It only matters that you care more for someone else than you do for yourself."  

-Hollow World by Michael J Sullivan

My Christmas Wish List 2013

Hey Everyone,

I figured the best way to get my Christmas Wish list across to the world, was through a blog.  This way you can buy me stuff that I actually want and not stupid shit.
The only thing you need to do is buy me something off the list and comment on what you got.  That way, I don't get 2 of the same things.  I know it will ruin the surprise of a wrapped up gift, but honestly, you can't surprise me.

1. Banana Saver - Every guy needs this!!  Who wants a bruised banana??

2. Any Star Wars Lego sets - Every nerd needs this!!

3. Adult Footed Pajama size Large - Hello? These are awesome!!
http://snugasabug.com/adult-footed-pajamas/glow-in-the-dark/penguin-fun-glow-adult-footed-pajama

4. Cute Undies - Every guy needs cute undies!

5. The Wizard of Oz Collectors Edition - Do I really need to explain this?
http://www.bestbuy.ca/en-CA/product/wizard-of-oz-bilingual-75th-anniversary-collector-s-limited-edition-3d-blu-ray-combo/m2207404.aspx?path=6a0a02a0e189785f7631b67b24deb926en02

6. An Xbox One
http://www.bestbuy.ca/en-CA/product/microsoft-xbox-one-day-one-edition-7uv-00006/10254138.aspx?path=4a9e9c122f4bd8af69bb7e9aa7852f41en02

7. Anything Starbucks!!
http://www.starbucksstore.ca/

8. Nerf Gun - they probably wouldn't let me have a real gun for obvious reasons.
http://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=12876835

9. Train Set - cause who doesn't like to play trains!!
http://www.costco.ca/The-Holiday-Express-Animated-Train-Set.product.10368089.html

10. Monchhichi - Had one when I was a kid and wish I still had one!!
http://www.chapters.indigo.ca/kids/toys/basic-monchhichi-20-cm-plush/490561025491-item.html

That's it for now!  I will be updating so check back often!!

My one and only true love.

I hold you gently in my hands. Your warmth soothes me as I imagine what is to unfold. I don't know how to survive an entire day without you. I bring you close to my lips. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up like little trees in a miniature forest filled with mythical creatures. I open my mouth. You dive in and swirl across my tongue. My eyes uncontrollably close, my head tilts back. My thoughts slowly melt into a calm sea of bliss. The world disappears around us. All is quiet. Every time I'm with you, I die and float on the clouds like angels in heaven. You pull away from my lips leaving me begging like a dirty dog whimpering for a bone. Holding you tightly in my hands, I bring you close again to my lips. I softly whisper, "I love you and will never let you go." I take another sip...

Gawd, I love coffee!!!

Letter to Mom...

Yep, I am GAY!  and I have never been happier!

The rainbow flag represents diversity.  Everyone is different, just like the colours on this flag!  No 2 shades are the same.  This is what makes the world such an interesting place.  Its not just about sexuality, or gender, but with different races too!

It has nothing to do with choice except the choice to live my life, fully and complete!

Its not from pollution, media, the way I was raised, the preservatives in our foods.  

I was born this way.

It is not your fault.  It is not anybody's fault.  This is who I am and I am very proud to say it!

When I was 20, I was told by my family that they were worried that I was gay.  WORRIED!  Why would anyone be worried about this?  I lived in fear worried that someone would think that I was gay!  I tried so hard to live a life that my family wouldn't have to WORRY about.  I tried so hard not to embarrass or disappoint anyone.  In trying to do this, I lived a life full of depression.  I was overweight, using food to feel better.  There were times that I wanted to give up! 

Since the separation almost 2 years ago, I have finally grown and changed into a better, much, much happier person.  In fact,  I have never felt so complete.  The reason I have lost weight is cause I am happy.  Happy with my life and happy with who I am!!  

I am still an awesome Dad, actually a super awesome Dad, since Annie gets a Dad who is happy.  She gets to grow up and see her Dad truly in love and yes, love has no boundaries!  The way God intended it to be.  The way God loves each one of his creations!

This is a picture of Ryan and I.

He is a great guy and I am glad to have met him.

So, if you don't accept me for who I am, then you don't accept as your son and if that's the case, then I don't accept you as my mother.  I don't need negative, non-loving people in my life.  I am a strong person and I will survive without you.

The choice is yours.

Around the Bay Race - Sunday March 25, 2012

Well today is a day that definitely deserves a blog post.

About 2 years ago, I was sitting on my bus in Gore Park and I remember seeing all the people convening in the downtown core.  They were all on a mission.  To accomplish either a 5K or 30K run known as the Around the Bay Race.  This race is the oldest race in North America.

 The Hamilton Herald Newspaper and cigar store owner "Billy" Carroll, originated and sponsored the first "Around the Bay Road Race", run on Christmas Day, 1894. It is now the oldest road race in North America, older than the Boston Marathon which was born three years after the Around the Bay Road Race. The race tested the abilities of the finest long distance runners, but was also an avenue to lay down some bets.

I decided at that point that I wanted to join these people, however, I got sick with my Thyroid disease.  So last October, I decided to set a goal.  A goal to train and run the 5K race.

When I first started training, I could hardly run a block.  My heart would pound, and I would be gasping for air!  I have trained very hard and I mainly ran alone.  I was self conscious of what I looked like while running, and I also felt like I wasn't running fast enough.  However I kept training and believe me, there were times that I wanted to give up.

Well today proved that with determination and training, anything goal is achievable!  I completed the 5K race in 31m40s!  My fastest time yet!

That's me, Bib #8759!

 The positive energy from the other runners was amazing.  I felt so good today that I wish I could share it with everyone.  Well, I can.  Get off the couch, get out and start training!  Sign up and do the run next year!  Are you up for the Challenge?  

It's Time!!

Hey Everyone,

This is probably going to be the most difficult thing I have ever done.  It has taken almost 32 years to reach this point.  It is time to be totally honest with myself and with people who are close to my heart.

 My whole life I have felt like I was missing something.  So I traveled the path that society accepts.  I found a girl, we moved in together, I proposed on the beach in Cuba, we got married, we bought a house together and then had a child.  After all that, I didn't feel complete.  So we agreed to separate.
After Val and I separated, I decided to do a bit of soul searching.  I decided to do something that has been hiding and pushed to the back of my mind since I was 10 years old!
I met a guy last November 2010 and dated him for 5 months.  He wasn't out yet and said he could never come out.  I figured this is good, since its all new to me, and I wasn't really sure.  Well it turned out that he made me really happy but in the end, he couldn't give me what I wanted.  A relationship, a companion, someone to enjoy my life with.
 Since then, I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I have been on dates with both men and women.  However, I decided to go down a path that is definitely going to be a difficult one.  A path most people don't agree with, mainly cause they don't really understand how you feel or why you feel that way.  Heck, I don't even understand it, but it does feel right.
I have kept this hidden for a lot of reasons.  The number one reason, is the fear of rejection.  I am still the same old Joey, in fact, I am better then I was before, cause I am truly being me.
There is a few things that I ask of you, my family and my friends.  Please don't judge me and please offer your support.
I have decided to "come out" cause I want my 2012 to start fresh, and I don't want to have to lie anymore.


 This is who I am, take it or leave it.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear,
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas and look forward to an exciting 2012! :-)